Steps to Intimacy: Vulnerability

What Stands in the Way of Intimacy?

Defensiveness!

Defensiveness is our stance against the world, our resistance to going with “what is”. It is based on our judgement of “what is” and our estimation that “what is” threatens our well being. In our effort to protect who we are and what we think, we establish a defense. The extent of our fear determines the impenetrableness of our defense.

When we are defending our self, we are standing for a cause which we believe in. And we fear it is being threatened. We build a barrier between our self and the other. Behind our suit of armor we are closed in, closed minded and closed hearted. We are alone, limited, and contracted. We have just locked ourselves up in the dungeon.

How do we gain freedom? Through our defenselessness or vulnerability. Here lies our true safety. In our willingness to set aside our defenses we learn what they hide. And in revealing what’s hidden we make ourselves known both to our self and to the other. Self revelation builds a bridge between us.

Opening the door to our heart releases us from the dungeon.

Vulnerability is a key attribute of intimacy. When we open the door to our heart, even if only a crack, we begin to create an avenue of expression. We allow a ray of light to shine into our darkness illuminating an aspect of our self that is crying out to be heard and seen. By sharing this piece of our self with another we create a safe and sacred space in which the other is invited in and in so doing make safe their sharing. Through our mutual disclosures we learn how much we are alike – perhaps not in the stories, but in the feelings we each live through. This is the human experience, a life expressed through feeling

When we give our self the opening to expand, we release our limitations, and establish a connection. Our vulnerability brings us closer and paradoxically in this intimacy we realize our freedom.

Tags: "what is", defensiveness, intimacy, judgement, resistance, vulnerability